last week of January-where does the time go?

Well let's see, last week was only a little better than the previous week. It is COLD here, like freezing with 40 mile wind gusts. Too COLD for me....

Well, my heart is even feeling more heartbroken today. I opened my mail and found a CAN OF FORMULA. Now my kids all have been breastfed, but could the formula co remeber to take my name off the mailing list? My baby passed away months ago. How unkind! So the feelings of loss come up again. I think that will happen a lot in the next month or so. I wish I could prepare myself.

And missing my Mom-Mom is another heartache. She was the best. She loved us like noone else could. I miss her advice and her smile. If I could have just one more day.

Well, let me go listen to some music and try to heal my heart again.

weekly post

Well this week was up and down but mostly down.....

On Monday 1/14 Mom-Mom came home on hospice. On Tuesday evening, after visiting with all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, she passed away. She leaves a legacy of love that is for sure. She will be missed.

Wednesday was spent with Mom and Co. doing stuff for the funeral. Making plans and getting ready...meeting with the undertaker, etc.

Thursday was a quiet kind of day. The kind of day you want to stay in bed but alas you cannot.

Friday was the funeral, Mom-Mom was beautiful! It was the nicest send-off you could ever ask for. Lots of love, good words, food and tears.

Friday was also Christian the amazing's Birthday. He is now 3! He is my miracle child and we took him to Friendly's to celebrate his special day. He had lots of fun!!

Saturday was spent cleaning, reminissing and some more crying. How we miss our Mom-Mom and how Mom, Me and Joanna had some fun just hanging out. We do not get to do that much anymore. Thanks Jo for the fun.

Sunday, another day of cleaning....

I'll stop rambling now and post more next week!

Heartbroken

Isn't it funny that the heart is the only organ you can live with BROKEN? Think about it, if you break a bone, it has to mend. If your heart is broken, you're still alive and it doesn't matter if it heals. Interesting.....

I am heartbroken. Deeply. We lost our daughter 3 months, 1 week and 2 daysago. My heart aches for her. To feel her kick, to see her little shining face. And I cannot -I will not until the end of time. And I have to accept it, this is the way it must go. But it saddens me, and I have to go on. To live, to love, to try and mend my broken heart......

Weekly post

Starting today, I will post a blog once a week. I may talk about what we did that week or just my thoughts. Just thought I'd put this out there.

Love to all!

Thoughts for today....

Happy 2008. 2007 flew by and I cannot believe 2008 is already here!

Well today I am in a funk of sorts. Not sure how I feel but sure have very specific feelings. I am praying that I am pregtnant again this month. I should be about 28.5 weeks along so having a need to be pregnant is looming BIG for me. I want to give our Avery another sibling to breathe her spirit into. I also want to have grandbaby #8 in 2008. I know this must sound silly but it is a true goal of mine.

I am cranky today. Not just tired but cranky, the kind you get annoyed with a 3 year old for. I am hopeful. Not just for new life but for an exciting year. One of the best years yet! I am hoping that my sister joins me on my pregnancy journey. A dream I have had since the day I started having children. A dream that I hopes becomes a reality.
I dream for a beautiful healthy baby that knows how much s/he is wanted and loved.

These are the thoughts for today. Oh, and Happy Sunday. You can have lots and lots of those in 2008.....