Sad

Well yesterday I found out that Christian's services from EI would end in 10 days-or so I thought. I was ready to go into mediation, but I realized with the help of a good friend today, that our EI provider doesn't care about progress, they only care about where you are today. So, we are going to create our own home ABA program. No Mediation, no Due Process for us. Comes with a LOT of stress but it is so worth it for our little man to continue flourishing. So I have to line up interviews, set up the program and figure out how to pay people. My DH and I will be the main teachers with another teacher here and there. Just makes me emotional, these therapists have been a part of our lives over a year. Christian has spent the last 2 years of his life with therapists coming and going daily. It is sad to see it end, but good in some ways, right?

Now to find an OT!

xoxoxox until the next post.....

Every Day is like Sunday.....

I wish this statement were true. If every Day of my life was like Sunday, it would be three words, blissful, busy and sometimes boring. Sunday is the day to spend with family, go to church and get ready for the week to begin again (that's what makes it busy). I really like Sunday except for washing school clothes and planning for the school week all over!

Sunday is also the day that I feel like I can just relax. Nothing really goes on sometimes. I can just sit and do something quiet.

Happy Sunday tomorrow!

Hope

Well, loss can sometimes bring hope. Losing Avery makes me think of all that we have lost. The loss of a daughter, sister and friend. The loss of my sons having s sister to take care of, to play with, grow up with, the loss of all you do for a daughter, dances, sweet 16 and weddings, but then I think of all that Avery has. She has the love of God, the love of her family and she gets to live in the love of our Lord forever. She gets to be in His arms and close to His heart for all eternity. She gets heaven her whole life, none of the strife of Earth. She gets to spend time with her Grammy and Mom-Mom who will love her and keep her until we meet her at the end of time. This brings great hope. And when I think of Avery, I smile. I smile because I love my daughter more than my own life, and the time we spent together was precious. She gets to watch over me, watch me sleep and protect her brothers, mother and father. What other mother gets to say that? She brings me love and she brings me hope. Hope for my family, hope for the love that we continue to share in her absence and hope that she will breather her spirit into her next sibling and we can share her joy. We can share her hope. My spirit may not always soar, but as long as I have hope in my heart, love can continue to grow. Let it grow in your heart. And remember to have hope. May God Bless you.

Glory Baby, and breathe

These are the two songs I am listening to right now and if you read the words, they sum up my feelings at the moment. To anyone who reads this, yes I am Baby obsessed and I'll be the first to admit it.

Here we go: Just put Avery baby for Glory baby, ok!

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby.. You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby…baby.. Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you… Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday Miss you in every way But we know there’s aday when we will hold you We will hold you You’ll kiss our tears away When we’re home to stay Can’t wait for the day when we will see you We will see you But baby let sweet Jesus hold you‘till mom and dad can hold you… You’ll just have heaven before we do You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard tounderstand it ‘cause we’re hurting We are hurting But there is healing And we know we’re stronger people through the growing And in knowing- That all things work together for our good And God works His purposes just like He said He would… Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabiesand what they must sound like But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know

Here's my #2 Breathe:
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake. Winter just wasn't my season"Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyesLike they have any right at all to criticize,Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cableAnd life's like an hourglass, glued to the tableNo one can find the rewind button, girl.So cradle your head in your handsAnd breathe... just breathe,Oh breathe, just breatheMay he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.No one can find the rewind button, boys,So cradle your head in your hands,And breathe... just breathe,Oh breathe, just breatheThere's a light at each end of this tunnel,You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be outAnd these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them againIf you only try turning around.2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a songIf I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,Threatening the life it belongs toAnd I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowdCause these words are my diary, screaming out loudAnd I know that you'll use them, however you want toBut you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,And life's like an hourglass, glued to the tableNo one can find the rewind button nowSing it if you understand.and breathe, just breathewoah breathe, just breathe,Oh breathe, just breathe,Oh breathe, just breathe.

Right now I am just breathing. Take care